Friday, July 22, 2011

My First Angel

This month my little Aaron would be turning 10 years old. The thought has brought a lot of grief and tears, more than I‘ve had in a while. I’m not sure if it’s because 10 years old is such a milestone or if it’s simply because I’m realizing how much time has elapsed since my little angel was once alive and a part of me. I think maybe it’s a little of both.

I remember so clearly how excited I was for my 10th birthday and finally turning double digits. I often think about my Aaron and how excited he (or she) would be for his big day. And then I imagine the 10 years that I’ve missed of his little life - getting his first tooth, learning to walk, saying ‘mama’ for the first time, walking hand in hand to his first day at kindergarten, Christmas mornings, birthdays, visits from the tooth fairy, bedtime stories, trips to Disney World…life. I‘ve missed out on so many amazing memories and I’ve caused him to miss out on living.

It’s been over a decade since I carried my little Aaron inside me. Time has definitely helped me heal and move forward with life and yet ironically I seem to be fighting time. It’s a struggle for me as the years pass and separate me from the time when my angels were safe and living just under my heart. Nevertheless, I know I will carry them around forever in my heart but it just doesn’t change the fact that I miss them terribly!!

Happy Birthday my beautiful angel! I love you!